Week Ten: Privilege, Race-as-a-Construct, and Real Estate Value- Oh My!

This week I also wrote my essay; I happened to select sexuality, as I had this tangent planned about what it means to be female, white, and heterosexual- what kind of boxes that puts you in, what social norms you'd better adhere to, and what privilege my primarily 'normal' status imparts upon me. The essay ended up going somewhere else entirely, and I'm really nervous about it fitting the bounds of the assignment, but it is thesis driven, even if it has some elements of personal details- but that is neither here nor there.

The back and forth tension I'm seeing on the issue of race in this chapter is fascinating- between the for Klan member vouching for 'white equality' (what...) and the one-step-forward-one-step-back and forth back and forth that never quite seems to balance out, and only makes racism a more pervasive part of society...

In my paper, I brought up that to me, homosexuality was invisible- and thus never became something that I considered or thought about as a child and young adult. The last bit that I wrote- about how if they didn't exist in a productive society that I could see, then if I was one I wouldn't exist either?

I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to feel that way about something so shallow as my skin tone.

My boyfriend reads comic books, and I've started flicking through them, noticing trends we've talked about in this class. As I do so, I can see it- this pervasive sense of invisibility, the non-personhood of people who aren't white.

I used to think that things were really pretty equal- there was a civil right's movement, and Martin Luther King day, right? Black people are people just like me, no big deal.

But the fact is, growing up? I was never in the same class as a black person. There were some latinos. My class had two immigrants, once. Even though we lived near the poor part of town- walking to school I'd be walking through what were called the 'Projects', government housing- I experienced very little cultural diversity aside from exchange students in my own home. Hell, none of the places I lived really had anything other than white people and latinos.

What's up with that anyway.

Week Nine: Skin deep

Looking back, it seems hard to believe that something so insidious as race is one that I've been totally unaware of as a -construct- and not a simple reality. Even at the beginning of the course, I knew that race was real- of course it was.

I can see now that our culture has a strange obsession with it, one that's been used to justify social stratospheres in which the dominant racial archetype is the one on top.

Week 8: Sexy is as sexy does

Marxist feminism has a point, even if it's rather extreme.

Sexuality is so heavily socially regulated and mandated, that to even be feminine is to be less as a man- and therefor less as a person. Unless you're a woman, because GOD FORBID women should be anything but stepping stones and objects to be used. A masculine woman is a bitch and a butch and needs a good deep dicking, CLEARLY.

Grumbly feminism rant ended.

Wait, no not quite.

One time, at one of my old (male dominated) jobs in which I was a tech support agent, I decided to put some care into my appearance for a day, just because I wanted to. I put on makeup so thick that it was noticeable; I felt like I was wearing a mask, and when I looked in the mirror, a stranger peered back at me.

It was strange and uncomfortable, but my female coworker, who was incredibly appearance oriented, assured me I looked like a million dollars.

And then, as I went through my day... I began to notice the appraising looks. The small nods of approval, the friendlier demeanors.

So wait... I have to be fake to be liked? Hygiene, I understand. Dressing flatteringly, fine- that makes sense. But piling on makeup so far as to be unrecognizeable except as something once seen in a photoshopped image in a magazine-? Spending half an hour just to garner a friendly face?

Welcome to being a straight woman in today's society.

There are many who won't look at you like a package of meat with a pretty ribbon; but there are more who will, in my experience.

Most of the time, it's easier to be alone... IE antisocial, weird, a prude, add your own negative label here just for fun.

Week 6: Bootstraps or Bootlick?

Horatio Alger, contemporary author of Rags-to-Riches books which ended up shaping the story we tell ourselves about the American meritocracy, was not a rags-to-riches case himself.

His father was a Unitarian minister, and he was ultimately well off enough to attend Harvard university at the age of sixteen.

It is my opinion that those at the top of the social stratosphere like to tell this mythology over and over again; and it's a pretty myth. It gives those at the bottom hope. It makes those in the middle believe they can rise, if only they just work hard enough- and it means those at the top must have done something to deserve their status.

However, statistics will show with pain-staking clarity that this idea of meritocracy is nothing but a myth- when viewing IQ versus annual income, the results were all over the chart, without demonstrable indication that a higher IQ yields more profit. IQ is only one of the many ways in which we can measure merit- but one thing that has nothing to do with merit is who your parents are, and who you were -born- to.

It is possible to climb the social ladder, but again, statistics show the incredibly high probability that where you're born is where you're die, economically.

Meritocracy is a lie perpetuated by the benefactors of the belief system and supported by those who wish it were true.

Week 5: Enter Foucault

I wasn't able to snag Discipline and Punishment from the library, but I've got it on back order for interest and reference.

I've never really thought about criminality much; my sense of justice is that you do wrong, you get punished. But the statistics of punishment are pretty eye opening. It doesn't seem 'just' in the slightest. I'd always assumed that prison was a rehabilitative experience; far from it, I guess.

I found this program that I'd love, love, love to participate in- but I don't see it happening, unfortunately. I guess there's one down in Eugene. Laame.

http://contexts.org/articles/fall-2009/learning-from-the-inside-out/

Exploring the idea of criminality also raises the compelling point Mr. Cushing brought up in class- is there any one behaviour that has always been considered criminal or taboo? The answer is... no. Not really, no. So then why the hard-ass way of looking at crime? If it's all just a question of breaking social norms- well, what is normal?

Durkheim's theory of suicides is interesting too. I think I'm adding that to my Amazon wishlist, as it seems an interesting read and I can't possibly keep up with reading required in classes and my own interests.

As far as Strain Theory goes... I'd be really interested to see statistics on that. When I was younger, I wanted nothing more than to become a retreatist. I always felt very estranged by that desire, very isolated

I'm so tired that I can't sleep, sit and drink Pennroyal tea...

Alright. Well. I'm in less shock this week than I was last week. It's still rough, though. I'll post a partial transcript of what I sent my mother, as I'd mentioned I'd had a minor mental crisis and she was worried. I feel like I summed it well.

"As far as my little crisis, my sociology class got to the concept of
Hegemony and the media, and how 95% of the media is controlled by six major
companies- and that's it- and how those companies are guided by the advertisers
who pay them... when I was younger, my biggest fear was being manipulated
without knowing it. I'd been manipulated so many times by my peers because of
how gullible (remember Alex Lazar??) and I was -aware- of being manipulated by
the school system... as I became more and self aware, I began to question how
much of myself was -me- and how much was what other people told me I was, and I identified the thing that made me most afraid was that I wasn't in control of
myself, was that I -wasn't- actually the one making decisions and thinking for
myself.

And then in sociology, we get to this understanding of hegemony- the way
the dominant social group shapes the very thought constructs of every group in
society to maintain the status quo, be it willful- advertising- or subconscious
reinforcement of unfair social constructions, like sexism. I used to think that
the latter was kind of conspiracy-theory-ish, and sort of rolled my eyes at
people whining about the patriarchy or racism because 'It's so much better now
it isn't even a problem!!' But then I started seeing it more and more in
everything I did- I watched a movie, there it was. I tried to read a fantasy
novel, only to start noticing that the protagonists were all fair skinned and
that the big evil they faced was darkness from the south born of dark skinned
women. I mean. I never even SAW these things before. And now I'm seeing them
everywhere- EVERY WHERE I LOOK. ... but... I guess a part of me always knew
that the things I perceived as natural and normal- weren't, really, outside the
boundaries of specific society.

There was a part of me that already knew my deepest fear was a reality.
So, yeah. It was jarring to suddenly realize how insidious it was... but... life
goes on. I have to accept that my thoughts aren't truly my own, and that my
opinions are bound to be strongly influenced by both upbringing and the messages
sent to me every day, everywhere I go. I can't hide from it, but maybe being
aware of it- all of these subtle and not so subtle reinforcements- will help me
to avoid being trapped by it."

It's changing the way I think. I'm seeing things I never saw before, and- like in Ishmael- I'm shocked that I never saw them.

But I'd rather see the bars to my cage than pace it and wonder why- why- why...

... at least now I know. And I can fight, regardless of how little it may or may not change. I feel a little more in charge of my own being, and I can only do my best not to let myself be trapped in fallacies and soothed by the status quo.

There's a part of me that hates being right.

The rest of me is resigned. Somewhere inside, I'm certain I knew it all along. Being an outsider, I felt it in my heart- this dissonance. The control.

It's not paranoid if they really are out to get you.

We spoke of hegemony and the power of the media two days ago. Already, I've seeing the world differently, but something about Saturday's discourse really kicked my ass, to be blunt. The visual representation of Middle Earth as Europe, maybe? The idea of Hegemony itself, which I had somehow never explored?

I guess this is all hitting me really hard. I feel overwhelmed by sudden realizations everywhere I look.

I tried to read a popcorn fantasy novel to take my mind off of it, and instead, I'm noticing more and more the inherent racism in my contemporary fantasy, the stories that are whispered through our societies- the hidden messages of what is normal and what is not, what is good and what is bad, even subconsciously. Every word I read, every character archetype I encountered- even in this fantastical imaginary world, it mirrored the truths of our own society.

I tried to watch a romantic comedy, cynically aware that I probably wouldn't enjoy it as I had enjoyed such movies in the past. I picked 'Penelope' at random from Netflix.

As I watched, the story was about a girl with a pig's nose and ears. Otherwise everything a person 'should' be (IE, rich, white, kind, intelligent, drop dead gorgeous even with the damn pig's nose,) men would literally run screaming at her 'ghastly' appearance and have to be strong-armed into not alerting the media to the young woman's horrifying deformities. She has been raised in utter seclusion her entire life because of this.

She 'comes out' and it is presented as this WONDERFUL, EMPOWERING THING that this horrifying monster woman can be accepted by mainstream society! Yay women's rights, we are EMPOWERED because even an ugly chick can be seen in public!! WOW!

The curse is eventually lifted, and she can then start a romance with the romantic interest, who was not of the correct social class to marry her and supposedly lift the curse. It is AMAZING because, like, he would have married her EVEN WITH THE PIG NOSE! WOW! What a guy!!

... I am appalled. A fictional talented rich intelligent white good-natured woman is seen as deeply shameful because of one physical flaw, to the point where every victory she encounters is all about overcoming the adversity of her 'hideous appearance'. Everything she does is in spite of being 'ugly'. What the fuck. OBVIOUSLY a woman's primary value is in her appearance, and, if her appearance does not strictly conform to a rigid idea of modern beauty, anything she DOES manage to do is an incredible feat because, oh my god, she's ugly.

You know what?

I probably would have watched that a week ago, shrugged, thought 'cute movie', and never thought about it again.

These messages are so insidious that I haven't even heard them consciously before. The moral of the story is that if you can somehow find it within you to love yourself despite being ugly, maybe you can be pretty. The outwardly stated moral is apparently one of self esteem and 'inner beauty' or something- I don't even know, it's so distressing that I have a bitter taste on my tongue.

The story of who we're supposed to be is fed to us day in and out, it's just incredible. Who would we be if we weren't born into this culture?